well, now that ive settled the censors part, the blog is all ready to be public again, but most probably will be directed to a new livejournal. butttt, suddenly i like the template of this blog. livejournal's so new and foreign to me. so how?

have two accounts as june suggested?
blogger is for reader-friendly posts;
livejournal is for private thoughts.

i really dont like the idea of having two blogs. dont know how cheryl does it. im a very organised person, haha not saying ure not, cheryl. haha just that i dont like to shuttle between two blogs and have my posts scattered around.

okay give me some time to think about it.

haha seems like im talking to myself, asking myself what should i do. nvm, i'm my own best friend anyway. oh, and when the blog's public, pls dont say im emo-ing. im not!

__

come to think of it, im already posting between two blogs. ive made my first posting on lj already and yet im still posting here. haha this is crazy. its just some stupid blog posts, why should i be so sentimental and wussy abt it?

OK LJ! bye!

http://tal09tal.livejournal.com/

i was watching a youtube video just now, about this friend of mine.

thinking back abt the times we spent together and imagining what would happen if we still talked and met up now, sent shivers to my spine. haha. ok im so bad. hmm how shall i put it? like its just weird if i were to hang out with her now. just totally cannot imagine it. cannot imagine in what language we would be conversing in, how close we are gg to be and stuff like tt. but this person, has alot of problems, family problems, financial problems, and i must say tt i really admire her for being so strong despite all these. like in the past, i only knew her as a whiny, spoilt and selfish person who was always embroiled in friendship troubles? theres a word for it.. hmm. ya childish. well, seems to be tt i shld change my impression of her, because she changed for the better. but if i were to meet her now on the street, i think i would just bend my head down and act like i didnt see her. i dont know why i react in such a way, why cant i just say a hi. maybe because the times when i saw her outside were really unexpected and sudden tt the fastest reaction i can give is to ignore. forgive me for tt.

and many of my other friends, if i didnt say hi to you. im really happy to see you guys after so long. im not good with my words, but im just really happy to see all of u. esp, mashi, jiaqian, serene etc (:

_____

sidenote: was watching the looking for a star movie acted by andy lau and shuqi (my gf! hehe) and i was thinking why in tt movie, it seems so easy for mutual feelings to develop. although they had to overcome time and other obstacles to be together, but the basic reason tt they are together is because they have feelings for each other. such a pity the reality denotes a totally different picture. most of the time, its one-sided.

i'm thinking if i should reopen the damn blog.

okay
driving (/deleted)

do you think its (/deleted)

seriously.
(/deleted)

(/deleted)

u know i think all these posts are just damn childish angers. but it just arises from (/deleted)
saying things have a limit.

(/deleted) insensitive remark

(/deleted)

(/deleted)

(/deleted)

so yesterday (/deleted) . all was well until (/deleted)

i dont knw wtf (/deleted)

like hello??? (/deleted) you make me think that (/deleted) u just pissed me off so bad, (/deleted)

(/deleted)

(/deleted)

(/deleted)

u make me think tt no matter what, (deleted)

(/deleted)

i took days off my revision and everything so that (/deleted)
i cancelled (/deleted) cause of that also.
i stayed up late, (/deleted)
i stood beside u when (/deleted)
i did everything i could.
and this assignment, on friday i could have done it. but i (/deleted) no complaints, because otherwise(/deleted)

and here you are, (/deleted)

(/deleted)

i've had enough.

(/deleted) i just want to know WHY. and then to you (/deleted) sickening (/deleted)

ok then when (/deleted)

you dont know how (/deleted) you dont know anything (/deleted)

i should be studying right now.
fucking pissed with myself. purposely wake up at 11am and now its gg to be 4pm and i havent even studied. fuck.

last night had cold war with my dad. and i seriously hopes he will, just like what charmaine says, disown me.

todays main topic is abt __.

(/deleted) but seems like my prophecy is true. (/deleted) and it seriously turns me off.

(/deleted)

i seriously cant stand this irritating idea of hers. (/deleted) because i dont believe there was not 0.01 % of being happy at all.

and i dont get it. (/deleted)

fine.
you know what its really fine.

(/deleted) topic nowadays is (/deleted).

im feeling betrayed because (/deleted)

i dont need ppl to fucking dissect what im thinking or feeling or observe me okay. just get a hold of your own life before you try to thnk of what im thinking. (/deleted)

(/deleted)

i knew it, you would just (/deleted)

i know, (/deleted) and whats this now?

(/deleted) because i know (/deleted) will be watching out for my reaction.

and right from the start,(/deleted) because in the first place, (/deleted)

(/deleted)

(/deleted) they all make me feel like a hypocrite.

previously, wanted to blog abt certain happenings, but was too lazy to switch on the computer, and most of the time i have this compelling urge to blog in the morning/afternoon and by the time i reach home, i forgot most of what i want to blog. this, is called short term memory.

well, life has been stable (i think) since the last time i blogged. suddenly i remembered what the topic i wanted to blog about was.

1) scandals (not mine)
2) friends - secrets, unhappinesss
3) nus bball team - discouraged
4) hkn training - same as the above
5) i hate my father
6) i love my sister and mum more than anything in the world.
7) my driving test - no one understands ):
8) my secret (sighs)
9) "am i invisible in your eyes?"

currently matters are:
1) xiaojun may not be staying afterall.
2) so is huijia.
3) sy and ld will be coming to nus.
4) ld is not gg to have so much time available for me because she got someone else. ):
5) i hate my father
6) my cousin is going to take his driving test soon.
7) minli passed on her first attempt
8) minli is angry with me
9) should i just give up on bball since theres no developments? and just concentrate on pool
10) i must meet up with alfred, jia qian, etc etc

ok maybe i shall just do an elaboration on the points. perhaps one point on blog entry?

hmm well, actually wanted to tell __ abt my blog. well, my idea was to like.. hmm how shall i put it. i like to blog stalk ppl. and often enough, these people arent very close to me. i would like to just see my close friends writing in their blogs, so tt i will know their innermost thoughts and feelings. well notice i used 'innermost' because i believe i sort of know their general thoughts and feelings. but this is not really good because sometimes, ppl speak very directly. and words 60% of the time are not hurt-proof.